During the break, in between Abu Dhabi and going back to school, I had another week off. It was clear to me that this week would be spent with my host family in Munich. On the weekend that I was there the kids and Uwe were off to visit grandma, so Susanne and I had the house to ourselves. It was an enjoyable, relaxing girls weekend: something that I, as a 23-year-old single young woman take for granted, and something that a woman with a husband, children, and millions of responsibilities relishes.
On that Sunday, while taking a walk together in the nearby woods, we discussed a lot of things, one of them being how women go to college, hoping to pursue their dreams, and how they end up marrying and staying at home. It wasn't meant to be negative-she loves her kids, her husband, and her life-that much is clear. However, she, like many other women in her age group and living situation-sometimes wishes she could get away for a while. Perhaps travel without the kids in tow or just spend a few days by herself.
However, what she doesn't realize is that the young girl that has all of that is jealous of what she has. Yes, I am. I am not saying I am unaware of what I have, nor am I saying I don't enjoy my freedom. I love that I can earn money and only have to worry about paying for myself. I love being able to decide I want to go on a train tomorrow if the spirit moves me, without having to check with my husband or worry about children. However, there is a part of me that is jealous of the fact that she doesn't have to look for a husband. Does he like me? Does he want to be with me? Do I really love him? All of those stupid, often trivial questions have been asked. The game has already been played. She no longer needs to flirt with potential mates or arrange dinner dates. She has him. She has her children, her life. A family life is something that I have yet to build, and the uncertainty of everything is really what makes me jealous of what she has.
Despite all of this, I am not ready to trade my freedom for diapers and formula just yet :-)
I suppose all any of us can do is live life the best we can, appreciate the moments, and realize, that whatever stage of life we are in, the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side.
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